How NOT to Conquer Planet Earth

We have to hope that hostile aliens haven't been watching our movies. Hollywood has taught potential invaders seven lessons on how NOT to conquer Earth.

The third rock from Sol is home to an unpleasant species of bipedal apes who are mostly fixated on destroying their planet and killing each other. They call themselves ‘humans’, and woe betide anyone who pays them a visit. It usually ends in explosions. These humans have fought extraterrestrial species of every imaginable kind in almost every imaginable scenario and, despite their horrendous failings, always seem to win. Why? Those they couldn't beat with raw brawn or heavy weaponry were overcome with cunning and terrible malice. So, possible visitors, here’s a list of some of the tactics they’ve employed so far. If you come in peace (which is probably a bad idea) you may wish to read this guide instead – but if conquest is your aim, here are some previous pitfalls. Read more